Lived locations: (all Texas, no specific order)
Dallas –I don’t remember much except wanting to leave.
Richardson –I had a cat named Jazz, she peed on my bed and my mom put her out.
Duncanville –I remember going to see my aunt perform with her HS dance team
Detroit –This was the same as Dallas, I just wanted to leave. My school experience wasn’t all that fantastic. I threw my desk at my teacher, and punched a boy in the nose. I was only 5 and 6 years old.
Plano –I loved Plano. I miss it a lot. I made a lot of great friends. These were the happiest years of my life. Ages 7-14. One of the main things I still remember about Plano was my 8th grade science teacher at Bowman Middle School. Mr. Boyd said to our class one day “Life sucks, then you die”.. I remember this because it’s so true. The majority of the memories I’ve had stick in my mind forever are ones that just sucked. Life really does suck, and we’re just going to all die one day anyway. So why dwell on the all the bad? I don’t think we have much of a choice. I really can’t remember too much about my childhood even though its still going on. I have a bad memory, but I also block a lot of things out.
Melissa –This is where I currently live (when I’m not at school). It’s boring, there’s nothing to do. I went to school in McKinney. I did everything in McKinney. I had good and bad times, mostly bad. But I blame it on myself. I think I went to McKinney with a bad attitude mainly because I missed Plano, and I didn’t know anyone. I hate to be alone, and that’s what I was for a while. But I made one very amazing friend, Desiree Hamlin. She had just moved to McKinney from Colorado, so we were both new and needed friends. I still consider her one of my best friends, 5 years later.
I’m going to separate my experiences of loss and absence from the rest because this is where things get extremely personal, and heartfelt.
Skipping to Plano, which is where my first memory of loss, absence, joy, AND belonging happened all around the same time. At Memorial Elementary, I had the time of my life. I made lots of friends, I was always having fun, and I was rarely ever sad. 2nd grade I found a love for singing. 3rd grade I realized how good I was at math. 4th grade I had imaginary friends that I convinced my teacher to meet, and thinking about it makes me smile every time. 5th grade I realized how much fun I had acting. I’m going to stop here at 5th grade. I had 3 close friends, Sohana Islam, Clay Johnson, and Bailey Wood. Together we would put on short plays for our 5th grade class in the gymnasium. My favorite one that we did was “The Window Washer”. These were good times. Much simpler times. Moving on to 6th grade, I had my first serious boyfriend. From there I can’t remember ever being single all through middle school and high school. I don’t think that was a good thing, but I can’t change it now. When I was 11 I experienced the feeling of loss and absence together. My grandfather died that year. And on top of that, my biological father whom I had never spoken to, or met, showed up at my family Christmas party. If you ever talk to me about my father, I might say I’ve never met him, and this is because at the party he promised me he’d come visit every Saturday from then on. The next Saturday came around, and I waited on the couch all day for him to call or show up. But he never did. From that day forward I promised myself that I would never forgive him and I don’t count the time I met him anymore because it’s a memory that’s not worth it. Skipping ahead to 9th grade, I moved to McKinney ISD. I went to McKinney North HS, and I immediately hated it because it was not Plano with my friends. It was completely different territory, and a completely different curriculum. I had a tough time freshman year. It was the first time I’d ever had a depression problem, and ever though of suicide. I’d attempted it a few times and had to be carefully watched. It wasn’t all because of school though. There was trouble at home. My mom and step dad had been together for about 5 years by that time I think. But something I always knew about my mom that she didn’t was she’s a lesbian. I could just tell as a child, but I never said anything to her. But my freshman year is when she started to come out. First she just said it was experimenting, but I knew a divorce would be coming soon. I didn’t take it well because my step dad was as close to a father than I’d ever had. I didn’t want to lose that. By the end of my freshman year, the divorce was settled. It wasn’t official yet, but my mom had moved out and moved in with her Partner, Jay Moore. I call her Mama Jay, and I love her so much. My depression wasn’t over though. I felt alone in the house without my mother because she’s like my best friend. Not only that, but my step dad started seeing someone else, Shaneka. They were getting serious and she moved in. I didn’t take that well either. They got onto me for having a bad attitude about it. My attitude only got worse by senior year and I was completely moved out of my step dads house and into my mom and mama Jays house. In a way I preferred this, but I hate that I ruined my relationship with my step dad. But I slowly got so much happier and now I love being at home.
Career- Well I got my first job the summer of 2009 at Cinemark Movies 14 of McKinney. I still work there as a seasonal employee. I love it there! The people are fantastic, I love working one on one with customers, and my managers are so awesome. All the friends I have today, come from that place. I really miss working almost every day. I’ve had some of the best times of my life at the theater. Sure there are some rude customers that make my life a living hell, but I just brush them off my shoulder and move on with my day. In the end, I end having a great day. The best memories are when the whole crew gets together after we close up (at midnight) and go out to IHOP. There has been many times where we almost get kicked out, but it just adds to the fun. I see midnight shows with everyone, and we go to Six Flags almost obsessively during the summer. I just love my job.
Spiritual Evolution- I don’t think I changed much. I’ve always been religious, but not a crazy Christian that tries to force my beliefs down every ones throat. I believe in God, but I also believe in many other things. I don’t go to church by choice. I used to love it as a child, but as I grew older I realized that I don’t agree with everything the Preacher talks about. So it’s just easier for me to study the Bible on my own time and believe what I want to believe.
Sexuality or gender evolution/path or relationship to the body- Well first of all, I’m bisexual/pansexual. I believe people should be able to love who ever they want no matter what gender they are. I definitely knew this when I was 7 years old and I had my first girl crush. But I also knew I liked boys. I never had a denial period. But I didn’t come out officially until the summer of 2010, right before Fall semester started. Since then I’ve been completely open about it. I say that I’m pansexual because I don’t care what the body looks like but what the mind looks like. For me it’s definitely more about what’s on the inside than the outside. I’m not sure if this is what you wanted, but it’s how I interpreted it.
Acheivements:
Many solo and ensemble medals for choir
4 in VASE competition
A picture I took was “May” in the McKinneyISD academic calendar
I got a medal for making 3rd place in the district for best sidebar in yearbook
This is as far as I got before I started getting a little confused again. It may be because of the time. I definitely should have started earlier. But I'll come back to it tomorrow and hopefully have more to say.
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